i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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