even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
