apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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