His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
