as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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