I need help removing her.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
