It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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