here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
