I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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