Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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