Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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