you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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