I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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