Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
