Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
