I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
