If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
