The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
