hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
