he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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