she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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