And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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