dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
