ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
