i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
