im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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