As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
