Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
