bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i've created a new STD.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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