We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
