this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i now understand why vodka
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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