Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He passed out mid-signature
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
