there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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