She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
