aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
