I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
