There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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