Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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