Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
