I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
