I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Houston, we have a squirter
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
