do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
