Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
