do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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