I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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