does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
