the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
