Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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