We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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