i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
