I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
