i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
