Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
