Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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