The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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