Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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