haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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