Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
