I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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