Just fell off a train. Bad.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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