Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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