I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
