some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
