I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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