thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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